My story "I was diagnosed with CFS in the
late 1980’s, in my native Scotland. Both my parents were family physicians and were totally confounded by my sudden loss of health. I changed from being an active and athletic young man in my early ‘20’s, to someone who couldn’t walk the
length of a supermarket aisle without having to lay down. Conventional tests suggested I was the picture of health while allopathic treatments only seemed to make matters worse.
At one of my lowest points when I could hardly lift an arm for a drink of tea, my GP suggested sending me for a psychiatric assessment, believing I was primarily suffering from depression. Although I felt pretty down at times with how this
condition was affecting my life, I couldn’t play sport or socialize with my friends, I knew deep down that it was much more than just depression. There was
something far far wrong with me at a deeper level. In a strange way, when he said that, it angered me and I started to explore for myself ways that I could get better. I shifted my focus to alternative and complementary approaches and started
to gain some ground. This process moved to a deeper level when I emigrated to Canada in the mid 90’s and with it exposure to the field of integrative medicine. This led me to discover the work of Dr. Jon Kabat Zinn and his Mindfulness Based
Stress Reduction program. The results were powerful at times, with further gains in energy and overall health.
However, frustratingly there would still be periods of unexplained symptomatic relapse, in spite of all that I had learned. A severe bout of pain and fatigue
symptoms required an extended period away from my job as a social worker/ manager in a Victoria care facility. I was flat on my back staring at the ceiling for weeks in excruciating pain. I knew my body was communicating with me, I just
wasn’t quite getting it! Around this time, I learned about this radical new approach to treating CFS and returned to the UK to undertake the therapy with Dr. David Mickel.
It was hard work at times, but something in me knew it was right and that the rewards would come if I stuck with it. It wasn’t an overnight nor a linear
process, but at the end of the day, it helped me return to health and provided me with the tools to maintain that in the long run. It also helped me to see why my orientation towards mindfulness of my body and feelings had been helping me
move towards healing over the years. A few weeks into the program, I had my “eureka moment”. It occurred during a family meal and following one of my family's remarks about an action I had taken a couple of years previously. As I sat there,
my symptoms – fatigue, brain fog, headache, muscle aching – suddenly got worse - going from a 3/10 to a 8/10 and rising. I knew the picture so well – within a few minutes I would have to go and lie down and would then feel lousy for hours,
even days after. However this time I didn’t want to have to pay that price and something clicked in me - I took a couple of moments out and checked to see what
I was really feeling just underneath the symptoms. When I did this, I was amazed to find that I was feeling really angry – one of the main taboo emotions in my family. When I tapped into this and understood that I needed to honour this,
interestingly I didn’t feel particularly angry any more – if anything I felt more energy. When I returned to the table I simply said to them that I was sorry they felt that way but that it had been an important thing for me to do. That was
all and the conversation continued unabated for others. However a true miracle then occurred for me. Over the next 5 minutes or so, my symptoms completely dissipated – not just back to 3/10 but 0/10. That was the moment I got it – that when I
held my feelings inside, my body would manifest this in the form of CFS symptoms, while the reverse would lead to symptom reduction and eventual health. Alas, it didn’t mean I never got any symptoms again – that would have been far too easy!
I had to learn to attend to my true feelings on a regular basis for that to happen. However from that point onwards I realized that I had the capacity to make
the difference and that my health lay in my own hands. Over time, I have been able to fully recover my energy and health, allowing me to rebuild my life." |
